Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: asshole, bag, cell, cellphone, deli, delicatessen, douche, douchebag, drunk, drunk and rude, phone, rude, server, servers, service, serving
My cat peed on my fucking computer. That’s why I haven’t blogged in like four months. The cat’s so damn cute though. Or she was before I ripped out her uterus and replaced it with her tail. Anywho I now have my computer back and I can now blog again. That’s right… You get to feed my narcissism yet again. And why? Because I’m better than all you fuckers.
I’m just joking of course but the more I think about and live my life I realize that a large portion of the world is constituted of idiots. People yelling “terrorist” at Barack Obama, “Joe the Plumber”, bad drivers, drunk people saying stupid shit, the homeless always wanting my money, and to top it all off I have two jobs. I have to because my old car broke and I now have to make car payments for a new one.
My second job is at a deli in downtown portland that is in walking distance from about every bar in the portland area. And it’s open until 4AM which is conveniently when I work so I get great tips but have to deal with really annoying people and quite often the biggest assholes in the world. The other day the biggest douchebags in the NW area popped on in. They were drunk and loud and rude. They ate, left a huge mess and then tried leaving without cleaning up. A guy I work with,”Phil”, and I followed them outside to tell them to clean up their mess. They told us it was our job so we took their pictures and have them hanging up on our wall so we never have to serve them again. In the meantime we had to clean up their mess and we found one of their cell phones on the table. So we smashed it. It’s passive aggressiveness at its best.
Anywho, America, it’s good to be back… Fuck…
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: courtesy, destiny, english, immigration, language, manifest, manifest destiny, mexican, mexicans, mexico, public, public transportation, spanish, transportation
Why the fuck do people seem to lack the simple ability to look the fuck around. I got stuck on fucking public transportation because someone couldn’t look behind them or at least around to see that I was behind them trying to get off. Seriously? You can’t just look back. And they didn’t even look back when I said excuse me. And why should they? They didn’t know what I was saying because they don’t speak fucking English. Fucking Christ!
I’m constantly told by my Mexican co-workers that I’m wrong for thinking that people should at least make some sort of effort to learn English. They ask me,”Why can’t you learn Spanish?”
Well for one I am learning spanish but I shouldn’t fucking have to!! I didn’t move here I was born here just like everyone else here that is rightly pissed off that we’re now expected to learn a new language because someone else is moving in!!!
I know I come from immigrants and all that noise but the fact is that this is a different time. I had nothing to do with manifest destiny and I sure as hell won’t take responsibility for what my ancestors did 200 years ago.
That’s ADD for you. I just took on, like, 43 different topics in one blog.
Fuck…
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: baby boomer, baby boomers, bag, bowel, bowel regulating, dead, death, die, douche, douche bag, douchebag, fuck, Jamie Lee Curtis, marriage, married, marry, regulating, yogurt
Here I am. I got married. Holy shit I got married. I’m back now and ready to offend the senses.
First off I’d like to thank everyone that decided baby boomer women could be in ads for bowel regulating yogurt. You can die now.
Secondly I’d like to say that people that leave nasty comments in my absence are douchebags.
Fuck…
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: anger, asshole, down syndrome, downs syndrome, fired, masturbate, masturbating, miley cyrus, parkinsons, pedophile, pop culture, prostatot, prostitot, prostutot, semen, sex, slut, splooge, spunk, tongue, whore
Miley Cyrus is that dream. I realized this just now as I was reading a blog with her picture in it and realized that she is hot. And then I realized that I just found a 15 year old girl hot… This is what it’s come down to. I’m waaaay too old to look at her like that and yet this little she-tard is leading a prostitot revolution. Looks to me like she followed one too many strange men from the park to their van for candy.
On to the next subject.
Little girls are now whores.
And the next subject.
It’s really more of a random thought than a whole subject but I have to ask. Can people with Down’s Syndrome sleep on their back? You’d think they’d swallow their giant tongues.
Another random thought. It must be great to masturbate with Parkinson’s disease. Each move is a surprise to you.
And now I’m done being such a big asshole. I believe that everyone deserves some sort of outlet for their anger. I have absolutely no anger towards retards, she-tards, or people with Parkinson’s but I have to release anger without getting fired. And since I can’t masturbate at work I write when I get home right before I masturbate. My keyboard has a damn good splooge-guard.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: abraham, allah, anal, anus, balls, blow job, concrete, concrete noun, intercourse, jehovah, jesus, martin luther king, martin luther king jr, material, moses, nirvana, noun, nouns, offensive, offensive material, penis, religion, retard, retarded, retards, sex, shiva, testes, testicles, tit, tit fuck, tits, vagina, vishnu, yahweh
Sex is awesome. Hands down it’s one of the best things ever.
I can honestly say that the vagina is one of the best concrete nouns ever.
Penises are ugly. I like mine and everything but they aren’t attractive.
Anal sex is awesome.
Blow jobs are also awesome.
Tit fucking is an intriguing idea. I don’t think I would really want to do it but it’s an interesting idea.
Why can’t we all just agree that retards aren’t real. They’re just pretending.
Jesus, Allah, Jehovah, Yahweh, Shiva, Vishnu, Nirvana (the soul body not the band), Moses, Abraham, and Martin Luther King Jr. can all suck my cock.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: sex, anal, facial, cumshot, idioma, language, rule, ass to mouth
If anyone speaks a language that I don’t decides to introduce me to a friend and then tell them about me in whatever their native language is they should be forced into ass to mouth with me followed by a particularly well aimed facial shot to the eye… Fuck.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: anal, anus, appendix, batman, breasts, butt, buttsex, clit, colon, cuddling, erotica, fascinate, horniness, horny, joker, junk, medical, motherfucker, porn, porno, pornography, sensitivity, sex, vageen, vagina, vahj, vajeen, vulvodynia
So last night we did it in the butt again. Oh boy did we do it. It was pretty hot. Well at first it wasn’t but it got there.
The night started by deciding that we would watch porn. So we went to the porn store and got what turned out to be a very disappointing DVD. One of the leading ladies in the movie looked a bit like The Joker from Batman... Only with smaller breasts… I Digress.
Anywho I was playing with her junk during said movie to try and make the mood better. I didn’t know this but because of her Vulvodynia she couldn’t feel much last night. She made it seem like she was horny but later confessed to me that she wasn’t and didn’t seem to think she could get in the mood. She was holding out for the possibility but it didn’t look like it was going to happen.
We got to talking and she told me that to turn her on I shouldn’t necessarily touch her vahj at all. But according to her I was too late to turn her on that night. Oh how I proved her wrong.
I’ll spare the specifics to say that we had some hard butt sex. It was good. We both came fairly quickly and then cleaned up and cuddled. Which brings us to today.
She woke up feeling a pretty bad pain in her side. I poked where her appendix is and she said,” OUCH, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!!”
I replied,” I’ll bet there is something wrong with your appendix.”
Long story short we’re now in the hospital spending the night because she, in fact, does not have an appendix problem but an air bubble in her colon. Apparently it’s because of an infection but I can’t help but think that last night’s foray might not have helped much.
Anybody with medical expertise have anything to say? I’d love to hear it.
I have to say that i fucking rock at selling TV’s. Getting that big sale is a lot like a one night stand. However, with a sale there is no orgasm but there is that mystery. The salesman or “man” (In the one night stand sense) has no Idea when it will end but whenever it does it will feel good.
Then there is the person buying the TV or the “woman”. Afterwards the person feels like they may have rushed into things and often feel a bit of regret afterwards. Either way they’re stuck with the experience.
We salesmen, however, don’t mean anything by it. We hope that you enjoy your experience during and after but sometimes it’s gotta be a little dirty. Sometimes we have to undercut the competition. Sometimes we have to promise things that we might not be able to uphold. And sometimes we can rock your world with what we can give you. And sometimes we just have to give you what we’ve got right in the ass.
It’s a cruel world. In the end we all get what we tried for… Fuck.
