Gijew’s Weblog


10 Things People Should Know About Eating Out (at restaurants you sick bastards)
October 19, 2008, 10:13 am
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10. Writing “0.00″ on the tip line of a credit card reciept is worse than a dash. Stick with the dash if you must stiff us.

9. Don’t fucking stiff us. This includes diners, delis, cafes, fancy restaurants, and little hole in the wall rooms. It doesn’t punish us. It punishes you. We remember everything. Everything…

8. We will ignore you if you ignore us. A lot of us have a personal rule that we don’t talk to people that are on the phone. We don’t like it when random people walk up to us While we’re on the phone. And you know what? We wouldn’t do that to you  either. But you also won’t get your food until you hang the fuck up!

7. If you want something that’s not listed on the menu. We don’t fucking have it!

6. Yes you’re cute. Yes, you’re nice. No, we can’t give you free shit. No, it is not our shit to give away.

5. When you come in five minutes before we close and you have to tell us you feel like “that guy”, you know, the one that comes in at really inconvenient times for us, you are “that guy”. Fuck you for asking if you are. You know you are.

4. When you come in five minutes before we’re open and we can’t make your favorite dish it’s because we’re not fucking open yet.

3. “Thanks” is an easy word to say. I’m not asking you to suck my dick here. I’m just asking you to show a little fucking gratitude.

2. If you want us to deliver your food and you live really fucking far away. It wont always get there super fast. The space time continuum still applies to delivery people and it will in fact take longer to get it to you  if you live farther away.  And on the note of deliveries don’t ever, I repeat, don’t ever stiff the delivery guy. If he works in a place like I do he just rode his bike 23 blocks uphill to bring you your food and the only reason we do that is for your tips. We don’t give a shit about you or your financial problems. We have them too. If you can’t afford to tip go to the grocery store. You don’t have to tip checkers and it’s cheaper.

1. DON’T FUCK WITH PEOPLE THAT HANDLE YOUR FOOD!!!!!!!!

Fuck…

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Amazing Fucking Life
October 19, 2008, 4:40 am
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My cat peed on my fucking computer. That’s why I haven’t blogged in like four months. The cat’s so damn cute though. Or she was before I ripped out her uterus and replaced it with her tail. Anywho I now have my computer back and I can now blog again. That’s right… You get to feed my narcissism yet again. And why? Because I’m better than all you fuckers.

I’m just joking of course but the more I think about and live my life I realize that a large portion of the world is constituted of idiots. People yelling “terrorist” at Barack Obama, “Joe the Plumber”, bad drivers, drunk people saying stupid shit, the homeless always wanting my money, and to top it all off I have two jobs. I have to because my old car broke and I now have to make car payments for a new one.

My second job is at a deli in downtown portland that is in walking distance from about every bar in the portland area. And it’s open until 4AM which is conveniently when I work so I get great tips but have to deal with really annoying people and quite often the biggest assholes in the world. The other day the biggest douchebags in the NW area popped on in. They were drunk and loud and rude. They ate, left a huge mess and then tried leaving without cleaning up. A guy I work with,”Phil”, and I followed them outside to tell them to clean up their mess. They told us it was our job so we took their pictures and have them hanging up on our wall so we never have to serve them again. In the meantime we had to clean up their mess and we found one of their cell phones on the table. So we smashed it. It’s passive aggressiveness at its best.

Anywho, America, it’s good to be back… Fuck…

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