Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: asshole, bag, cell, cellphone, deli, delicatessen, douche, douchebag, drunk, drunk and rude, phone, rude, server, servers, service, serving
My cat peed on my fucking computer. That’s why I haven’t blogged in like four months. The cat’s so damn cute though. Or she was before I ripped out her uterus and replaced it with her tail. Anywho I now have my computer back and I can now blog again. That’s right… You get to feed my narcissism yet again. And why? Because I’m better than all you fuckers.
I’m just joking of course but the more I think about and live my life I realize that a large portion of the world is constituted of idiots. People yelling “terrorist” at Barack Obama, “Joe the Plumber”, bad drivers, drunk people saying stupid shit, the homeless always wanting my money, and to top it all off I have two jobs. I have to because my old car broke and I now have to make car payments for a new one.
My second job is at a deli in downtown portland that is in walking distance from about every bar in the portland area. And it’s open until 4AM which is conveniently when I work so I get great tips but have to deal with really annoying people and quite often the biggest assholes in the world. The other day the biggest douchebags in the NW area popped on in. They were drunk and loud and rude. They ate, left a huge mess and then tried leaving without cleaning up. A guy I work with,”Phil”, and I followed them outside to tell them to clean up their mess. They told us it was our job so we took their pictures and have them hanging up on our wall so we never have to serve them again. In the meantime we had to clean up their mess and we found one of their cell phones on the table. So we smashed it. It’s passive aggressiveness at its best.
Anywho, America, it’s good to be back… Fuck…
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: courtesy, destiny, english, immigration, language, manifest, manifest destiny, mexican, mexicans, mexico, public, public transportation, spanish, transportation
Why the fuck do people seem to lack the simple ability to look the fuck around. I got stuck on fucking public transportation because someone couldn’t look behind them or at least around to see that I was behind them trying to get off. Seriously? You can’t just look back. And they didn’t even look back when I said excuse me. And why should they? They didn’t know what I was saying because they don’t speak fucking English. Fucking Christ!
I’m constantly told by my Mexican co-workers that I’m wrong for thinking that people should at least make some sort of effort to learn English. They ask me,”Why can’t you learn Spanish?”
Well for one I am learning spanish but I shouldn’t fucking have to!! I didn’t move here I was born here just like everyone else here that is rightly pissed off that we’re now expected to learn a new language because someone else is moving in!!!
I know I come from immigrants and all that noise but the fact is that this is a different time. I had nothing to do with manifest destiny and I sure as hell won’t take responsibility for what my ancestors did 200 years ago.
That’s ADD for you. I just took on, like, 43 different topics in one blog.
Fuck…
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: baby boomer, baby boomers, bag, bowel, bowel regulating, dead, death, die, douche, douche bag, douchebag, fuck, Jamie Lee Curtis, marriage, married, marry, regulating, yogurt
Here I am. I got married. Holy shit I got married. I’m back now and ready to offend the senses.
First off I’d like to thank everyone that decided baby boomer women could be in ads for bowel regulating yogurt. You can die now.
Secondly I’d like to say that people that leave nasty comments in my absence are douchebags.
Fuck…
Filed under: religion | Tags: ben, ben franklin, benjamin, benjamin franklin, bush, christianity, franklin, george bush, george w bush, gw, jesus, john hagee, prayer, prayer in schools, religion, school, schools, USA
So I’m up and It’s like 3:00AM. I’m watching the jesus channel and I’m about to shoot the TV. It’s like a train wreck. I don’t wanna stare but I just can’t look away. It’s so full of inaccuracies I don’t even know where to begin.
For one they quoted Benjamin Franklin as saying that we can’t run a country unless we get on our knees and pray. That’s pretty cool considering that he was an outspoken atheist.
They also had a lawyer on that stated that as soon as we took religion out of schools that’s when America’s schools went down hill. They state that the overwhelming majority of private schools in the USA are Christian based and they are scoring an average of 80 points higher on the SAT’s because they are christian based. Really? Because they’re Christian based? Not because of the smaller teacher to student ratio? Not because of better funding in most cases? It’s because of Jesus, huh? Amazing…
Oh and these people really really love George Bush. They firmly believe that God put him there. Of course they also follow John Hagee’s thought that God put Hitler in place to punish the sinning Jews too. I’m thinking that if God had anything to do with GW it was in the Hitler capacity.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: anger, asshole, down syndrome, downs syndrome, fired, masturbate, masturbating, miley cyrus, parkinsons, pedophile, pop culture, prostatot, prostitot, prostutot, semen, sex, slut, splooge, spunk, tongue, whore
Miley Cyrus is that dream. I realized this just now as I was reading a blog with her picture in it and realized that she is hot. And then I realized that I just found a 15 year old girl hot… This is what it’s come down to. I’m waaaay too old to look at her like that and yet this little she-tard is leading a prostitot revolution. Looks to me like she followed one too many strange men from the park to their van for candy.
On to the next subject.
Little girls are now whores.
And the next subject.
It’s really more of a random thought than a whole subject but I have to ask. Can people with Down’s Syndrome sleep on their back? You’d think they’d swallow their giant tongues.
Another random thought. It must be great to masturbate with Parkinson’s disease. Each move is a surprise to you.
And now I’m done being such a big asshole. I believe that everyone deserves some sort of outlet for their anger. I have absolutely no anger towards retards, she-tards, or people with Parkinson’s but I have to release anger without getting fired. And since I can’t masturbate at work I write when I get home right before I masturbate. My keyboard has a damn good splooge-guard.
Filed under: life | Tags: anal, anus, christ, christians, conspiracy, disability, foster kid, foster kids, foster parent, foster parents, fuck, fucking, government, jesus, jesus christ, jew, jews, mexican, mexicans, offend, offensive, religion, religions, religious, retard, retarded, retards, sex, slobber, zombie, zombies
Okay so yesterday would have been a really really bad day if it hadn’t been for my parents sending me money. It was really stressful to find out that I had $2.70 in my bank account. My lady was really stressed out too so we fucked. We fucked long and hard. It was a great stress reliever. And I’m left to think; what else is there for stress?
Sex works really well but what if I’m stressed in a situation where I can’t have sex? I can’t smoke weed. I get tested a lot in the Guard. I can’t smoke tobacco. I quit that a long time ago. I can’t drink. I’m under 21. This doesn’t always stop me but I can’t always get beer. I could run sometimes but I can’t really do that at work.
Sometimes I guess we just have to deal with the stress. I do so a lot of the time by saying unbelievably offensive things. For instance one day I looked my mexican co-worker right in the eye and said,”I hate you brown people.”
He laughed and took it in stride and said something about Jews. It all worked out well.
The only things I’ve ever found that people won’t laugh about all of the time are their personal religions and retards. For instance I once said that Jesus was pretty much a zombie to my mother. My mother is a very religious person and was pretty offended.
I also once told someone that retards may very well be infiltrating our government with tiny cameras in their slobber. Once again that co-worker/foster parent to the disabled was not happy with me.
People need to lighten up… Fuck.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: abraham, allah, anal, anus, balls, blow job, concrete, concrete noun, intercourse, jehovah, jesus, martin luther king, martin luther king jr, material, moses, nirvana, noun, nouns, offensive, offensive material, penis, religion, retard, retarded, retards, sex, shiva, testes, testicles, tit, tit fuck, tits, vagina, vishnu, yahweh
Sex is awesome. Hands down it’s one of the best things ever.
I can honestly say that the vagina is one of the best concrete nouns ever.
Penises are ugly. I like mine and everything but they aren’t attractive.
Anal sex is awesome.
Blow jobs are also awesome.
Tit fucking is an intriguing idea. I don’t think I would really want to do it but it’s an interesting idea.
Why can’t we all just agree that retards aren’t real. They’re just pretending.
Jesus, Allah, Jehovah, Yahweh, Shiva, Vishnu, Nirvana (the soul body not the band), Moses, Abraham, and Martin Luther King Jr. can all suck my cock.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: anal, ass to mouth, cumshot, facial, idioma, language, rule, sex
If anyone speaks a language that I don’t decides to introduce me to a friend and then tell them about me in whatever their native language is they should be forced into ass to mouth with me followed by a particularly well aimed facial shot to the eye… Fuck.
